You know, it's very difficult watching others make bad decisions, well, what I think are bad decisions. We all have had the friend who was in a relationship with the wrong person for the wrong reasons and no matter how much logic you threw at him/her and no matter how many obvious red flags are presented, the friend chooses to stay.
Having recently seen my girlfriend go through this with a friend of hers, I was able to remain somewhat removed from the situation, giving me a chance to examine this situation from a more objective standpoint. Admittedly, I was against the relationship myself. She sold her successful business and moved to the Midwest for a guy who appears to be an all around douche bag. Nearing his forties, he's acting as if he's never left the frat house. During a recent trip back to the Bay Area her friends hit her with concerns, arguments and support for leaving. Although she appeared to 'see the light' she disappeared suddenly, refusing to return phone calls and text messages. She cut her trip short and returned to the flat barren, boring midsection of America.
Did we push her too hard? Maybe we were so busy talking at her that didn't stop and listen to her. Maybe what we see as a soon-to-be domestic train wreck is something completely different in her eyes. Maybe she's afraid of running out of opportunities...or time. Perhaps the situation will play out exactly as we fear, but it's a lesson that she needs to learn the hard way.
All I know is this: It's impossible to see clearly when you're too close to a situation, no matter what side of the fence you're standing on.
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2 comments:
i think there comes a time when you have to just put your opinion aside and be supportive of the friend's decision. since she's already taken the big step of moving to the midwest with the guy, it's clear she's fairly set in her decision for the time being.
family are the ones who are supposed to keep reminding you of how big of a mistake everything you do is. that's why holidays are so much fun.
-g
I knew a girl once named Jen who in high school had a very good friend named Sam who started to date an older guy secretly. Jen asked Sam to stop it becuase she did not like keeping her secret. Both families were close and even attended the same church which Jen's father was a Pastor of some sort at. Well eventually After pleading with Sam to come clean about it to her own parents, Jen's parents started to question her about her friend Sam's secrecy and where she had been lately..... Jen told the truth not wanting to lie to her parents.
This brought on what would be the worse 4 years of Jen and her identicale twin sisters life. Sam was furious when she got in trouble and immediately began spreading rumors about Jen calling her a prude and assortment of horrible names in front of the school and she was reduced to the girl that got publicly mocked everyday at lunch until she eventually left high school.
Anyway I'll try to shorten this up. Sam ended getting pregnant before leaving high school the older guy was a total A-hole and didn't support her at all and she ended up being very alone...
You woudl think the story ends there.. Mean girls gets it in the end. Well when Jen was about 22 years old she got a letter written to her from Sam. Sam told her that she was sorry for what she had said and done and that even though she didn't listen to her at the time that Jen was the only real friend she ever had.... That she was the only person who loved her enough to be honest with her... She went on to mention that her life was in shambles and that she had 3 kids by 2 different men and was completely alone....
I guess my point is you never know what is the right thing to do in those situations. Jenn could keep her mouth shut and had a much more enjoyable high school experience being spared from the horrible crap that her sister and her went through under the guise of "she should have just minded her own business"... Or she does what she did and that girl eventually realizes her error and she grows and instills something better in her kids. Anyway I never blog and don'teven know if this an appropriate response or not. I believe you should always do and speak whats right and I think good will come of it in the long run. Althought it may require some pain upfront sometimes.
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